These are all words that we hear on a regular basis, but words that we never fully comprehend until they happen to us.
After 19 years of living I can say, with full confidence, that I have experienced every single one of these. I never could fully imagine what people meant when they would say “I literally have nothing left inside of me” until now.
It feels like everything you had has been ripped open and torn apart. Then, as if that didn’t hurt enough, it get’s broken and shattered.
Broken couldn’t possibly be enough, oh no, because then that would mean that there is a chance that things could be put back together with time and with a little bit of contact glue, but it goes a step further.
The difference between being broken and being shattered is like the difference between crushed ice and cubed ice. There’s no mistaking the difference between the two.
When I first came to the realization that I was shattered, remember that the first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem, I thought that there was no hope for me. I thought I was a broken record that could not be repaired and I would go on the rest of my days only singing half of my song, but then I realized what things are made out of shattered pieces.
Thousands of shattered pieces sectioned off into just the right spot, in just the right angle to make a beautiful picture. A masterpiece.
So even when we have been broken down all the way to shattered pieces, always know that there is a God who can take those pieces and make it into something beautiful; even when we don’t see how it could be possible.
What we fail to sometimes see is with God, ALL things are possible :)
I know that there has to be a answer to all my questions. I way to find out the truth about it all.
I thought I knew where I stood, but now the ground from beneath my feet has been shaken like Hawaii after a hurricane.
Hour after hour, day after day, I have drove myself to a state of mental illness from thinking “How did I not see it? Why wasn’t I told? Am I too late? Is this right? Is this for real? Would it work? Am I crazy?”
I try not to think about it, but I have to think about how I’m not going to think about it, because it is all I have been thinking about recently, so you can just see the vicious circle that this is turning out to be.
I right out the pros and cons, although I already know, that there are no cons. I have known that for years. The question is, “Have I been lying to myself this whole time? Have I been denying the obvious?”
Then I wait some more.
Just a little more.
I’m waiting to hear from God.
If there is one thing that I know how to do in this world, it is wait. I know the only way I will get answers is if I wait on the Lord. He will strengthened me while I wait and I will praise Him while I wait.
So until I hear from the Lord, I will try to not continue to bring myself to a state of mental illness from thinking too much about the future. My future.
Until next time,